Father seems to be a term more suited to being used in the 1950's. We can all picture the 11-year-old boy entering the living room wearing some not quite long enough slacks and sweater vest carrying a baseball bat over his shoulder with a glove on the end. In the easy chair sits "Father." He's always dressed to the nines with wing tips and necktie. Usually he's reading the paper; perhaps smoking a pipe. Son addresses "Father."

"Hello, Father!"

"Why, hello son! Where ya headed?"

"Down the street to have some fun with Gary, Wally, and the rest of the gang."

"That's great, son! Have a good time. Be back for dinner."

"OK, Father. See ya later."

And so it goes with the father. Interactions with Daughter and Mother are mostly the same, simply modify the topics of conversation. If this is Father, then this is definitely not me.

First of all, my son currently refers to me as Dad-dy, not Father. However, beyond the obvious differences of spelling and pronunciation between Father and Dad, lie much deeper rifts. Domestic duties differ between these two patriarchs. You won't find Father changing diapers, as this is always a job for Mother, Sister, Grandmother, or some other female. Dad will frequently be found changing diapers whether of or against his own free will. Dad has become extremely deft in this art form, often more quickly than Mom. With a dad's intrinsic ability to control a situation with a combination of speed, physical power, and a keen eye or two, no baby stands a chance at letting it fly in his face. He'll have a wipe over the offending body part before the kid knows what happened. On a side note, let me clue dads in to a little secret. If you make a point to change as many wet diapers as possible, you will have a valid excuse not to change the "other" ones when they inevitably happen.

Type of interactions is another big difference between Father and Dad. Father is generally limited to interacting with son in ways such as checking up on the progress of school projects, buying an occasional age-appropriate gift (i.e. first ball glove), or sitting down for a disciplinary lecture or "chat" as Father likes to call it. Dad, not to be one-upped by Father, does all this and more. The awesome level of science projects is raised exponentially by Dad's incorporation of pyrotechnics, lighting, and the occasional raunchy smell that will, if done properly, make the science lab stink like rotten eggs for at least three days. Today's dad will have the privilege of giving his son his first cell phone, computer, etc. The first electronic will certainly be something horribly outdated and will probably have something wrong with it. Example: I have a giant Compaq laptop circa 1997 that's got my son's name on it. It has a monitor on the blink, only works on AC power, and it's about as useful as a calculator. But it's got a color screen - and free lessons with Dad on using Windows ‘95!

Despite all of these opposing characteristics, there is still one thing that remains the same in both Father and Dad. Their little boys look up to them like no other person on planet Earth. Dad and Father are stronger than Superman, cooler than Tony Hawk, smarter than Einstein, and richer than Donald Trump in the eyes of the little boy. Don't believe me? Just observe the way a boy will carefully study how Dad applies the shaving cream to his face and gently glides the razor. Witness a son watching his coverall-clad Father as he changes the oil on the family car. A Dad can give his son a memory he'll never forget by doing something as simple as building a dog house or fixing the lawnmower with him. And a Dad joke is the funniest thing his son has heard in his life until he becomes...(cue scary music) A TEENAGER.

It is my belief that at this point in any son's or daughter's life, all “Dads” become “Fathers”. No matter how hard he tries, this is a fact of life that cannot be denied, and all of us dads must face up to it. In fact, some things seem to be reversed from their previous parameters. The cooler Dad tries to be, the more uncool he becomes. Dad never has enough dough to dispense for whatever it is that Son wants to do. Building a house for Fido or fixing the mower with Dad now becomes a chore rather than a joy. Buck up, Dad; this too shall pass. Once he goes to college, he'll come crawling back because he's broke. A good Dad won't rub it in; he'll just simply smile and fork over the cash. Son's former ideas that the necessities of life consist of stylish clothes, a girlfriend, a cool car, and video games will abruptly switch to the reality that clean clothes, friends, a reliable car, and a job are a little more important. If things go smoothly, and Dad has done well, then the cycle of Dadhood will start over with Son. He'll finish his degree, marry a good girl, and have a kid of his own. Then it will be up to him to choose which he will become - a Father or a Dad.