This is just what you’ve been looking for: another article about the slumping economy. Don’t worry! I’m not going to preach at you about why to not invest in the stock market or hide all of your savings under your mattress. I’m simply going to give you some practical help from my personal experience on how you too can shave some dollars off of your grocery expenses while at the same time burning fat and building muscle.

My simple plan starts with vegetables. In years past, my family has had an extremely minimal garden. I wouldn’t even call it a garden, because the most we’ve ever had was a few tomato plants. For some reason, last summer I got the itch to do some serious gardening in 2009. I started preparing by collecting seeds from any source. My grandpa in Michigan sent us some of his famous Polish tomatoes, and we harvested seeds from those. He also sent a green bell pepper that I dissected. My wife’s parents sent us a few red chili peppers that got disemboweled before consumption as well. I even took seeds from some store bought veggies, which is a no-no according to the pros. So last fall, we already had stock for about four different vegetables. Little did I know that the economic slow down would speed up, and growing my own food would be even more helpful to my wallet than anticipated.

This spring, we had to break down and spend the big bucks at Home Depot by buying some seed packs. We ended up with tomatoes, banana peppers, squash, cucumbers, lettuce, eggplant, beans, chili peppers, and bell peppers. If you’re wondering where the savings are, hold your horses, I’m getting there. We spent about $20 on seeds and the peat pots to start them in. So far, we’ve got on average ten plants of each vegetable that we planted. Assuming we’re able to keep them all alive and healthy, and we’re able to harvest most of the fruit without it going to waste either by bugs, disease, deer, or other, we’ll have a LOT of vegetables to eat, sell, give to friends, or throw at bad comedians. Granted there will be some nominal extra expenses for things like water if we don’t get enough rain, and we’ll have to spend some time keeping the weeds out and tending to the plants. But that’s where the fat burning and muscle building comes in.

Keeping your garden cost down is easy if you avoid using power equipment. And if you’re not using power equipment, then you’ll be breakin’ ground and wackin’ weeds with something like a hoe, shovel or mattock. The size of your garden will determine the amount of time that you have to spend working the ground and proportionally how much fat is burned and muscle is built. Just think- you’re saving money by growing your own food, getting some exercise, and enjoying some tasty farm-fresh veggies - all at the same time.

The second method that the Schmutzler household is practicing in this year for saving some dough could simply be called “The Chicken Dance.” Picture this - better yet, just watch the video included - me…in a small “room”…with fifteen chickens. I have a pair of leather gloves as my only tool. My mission is to catch each chicken - one at a time - and transport them to a large cage in the back of a pickup truck. Not only do they have to be taken one at a time, but they must also be moved in a particular order. The head honcho rooster must be removed first, lest he decide to exercise his authority and attack me with his beak or razor sharp spurs. Perhaps I should back up and explain the situation a little bit better.

A few years ago, some friends of ours offered us some chickens. They had been given a few by their neighbors, and one of their hens had successfully hatched a few chicks. We giddily accepted the offer of free poultry since our country home already had a perfect chicken coop. We enjoyed the chickens for about five months until one fateful Sunday.

We had let the chickens out to roam during the afternoon while we were outside. That evening, while away from home, I got a phone call from one of my neighbors apologizing that his dog was currently in the process of devouring one of our roosters. We came home to the gruesome discovery that all of the chickens were long gone with only some traces of feathers left to remind us of their presence. Apparently the neighbor dog started a trend with other the local canines.

So now it’s spring 2009, and we’ve set aside some tax return money to care

for these fifteen chickens that have been offered to us by the same friends as before. This time, they’ve decided to give us all of their chickens because they’re just kind of tired of chicken farming. On Wednesday, my expectant wife, toddler son, and I went to their house in the truck and prepared for battle. The video included with the article will show you what was pretty much par for the course as I chased chickens with gusto. I learned one thing: there is no strategy when it comes catching a frightened hen.

Ok, back on topic. The previous owners of the chickens estimate we’ll be getting about a dozen eggs a day once the younger group matures in a few weeks. At $1.50 per dozen from the grocery store, that’s not a bad savings. We can choose to eat them ourselves, or sell them. Farm-fresh eggs will bring in about twice as much as store-bought eggs. It costs us about $10 a month in feed plus a little bit for water. As far as the exercise goes, the video speaks for itself. Any time you need to get a chicken to move somewhere, expect to be involved in the same graceful waltz that you see me performing.

As the saying goes, “You have to spend money to make money.” This certainly holds true with livestock and farming, but plan well and the amount spent is trivial - with the benefits greatly outweighing the expenses. The savings are good for your wallet, and the excersize you’ll get is good for your body. Besides, when it comes to wrangling hens, well, who can put a price on watching a grown man do that?