Hopefully this article will fulfill three purposes. One, it will prevent engaged couples from registering for junk that they will never use. Two, it will prevent wedding gift-givers from giving junk that the bride and groom will never use. Three, it will relegate junk to thrift stores, yard sales, and landfills where it belongs. With that said, I submit to you an in-exhaustive list of what not to put on your wedding registry.

Item 1: Carved crystal salad bowl
My wife and I actually got two of these for our wedding, though I don't think we ever used them. We didn't register for either bowl. Sadly, we stand guilty of re-gifting one of them.

Item 2: Punch bowl set
I guess this would be handy if you go to Christmas parties every month.

Item 3: Any highly specialized kitchen appliance
This covers everything from the classic George Foreman grill to the over-rated Panini maker. And for goodness sake, if you're going to register for an egg cooker, at least register for the decorative chicken-shaped egg topper also.

Item 4: Matching monogrammed terry bath robes
Unless you're the kind of couple who likes hangin' out in your robes together in the evening, this is an awful waste of cotton and money. Worse yet, the monograms will prevent them from selling very easily on Ebay.

Item 5: Any strangely themed set
This could be anything from napkin holders to bath towels to bed sheets. If you're considering a safari theme in the bedroom, think again. A related gaffe to this one is overly theming one's abode. It doesn't matter how much you two love cats. If people see feline art in the bathroom, cat throw pillows on the couch, and leopard print bed sheets, they'll think you're weird.

Item 6: His and hers popcorn bowls
Research shows that the average couple uses these approximately 3.2 times before permanently shelving them.

Item 7: Cheap 106-piece tool sets
You may wonder how they can sell so many tools for such a low price. You'll find out how the second time you use that phillips to hang a picture. Take my advice: go to Sears, and register for Craftsman everything. Then when you break your screwdriver in half while using it as a pry-bar on your ‘87 Toyota, take it back and get a new one for free.

Item 8: 50" plasma TV
Now this one doesn't fall under the "useless" category, but it most definitely falls under the "tacky" category. Unless your livelihood depends on watching HD television larger than life, then this is not a "need" to be requested on a wedding registry.

Now that you have read this well-written and insightful article, you are free to give or get weddings gifts at your leisure as long as you remember what you've learned here. As with any set of rules, there are gray areas. For example, after reading this you might be wondering if you should remove the fondue set from your registry now. If you have any doubts on certain items on your registry or a friend's registry, send me an email or leave a comment with your questions, and I'll give you the official ruling. If you prefer to do your own research, I'd recommend setting aside the next three Saturdays to visit some local garage sales. If you find the item in question in more than two of them, it's probably safe to assume that it'll turn out to be useless junk.